I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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