I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
