i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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