Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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