i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
