some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
