STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
