Soap is not a condiment
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
