Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
