your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
