Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
