my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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