I am spending my child support on dildos
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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