why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
A bitchslap is in order.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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