my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
