Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
