God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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