Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I looked at my own cervix.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
