I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
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This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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