you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize