Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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