You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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