I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
