Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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