well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
