i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
