No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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