I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
handjob tips. give me some.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
