My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
even my farts smell like vagina
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
