i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
