I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
