I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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