i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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