she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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