I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
