I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
