I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
