I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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