Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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