oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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