I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
