Porn is love you can see.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
