I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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