What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
