what day is it and did you see me today?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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