An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
