And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
