would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
