I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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