Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
