i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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