I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
