dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
