Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
