I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
