I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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