lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
