Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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