i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
