I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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