we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.