She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!