i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
