Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life