Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.