I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You're like the curious george of whores
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.