My room smells like vodka and shame
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.