Apparently you make a good broom.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
