The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
