I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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