Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would ride that face into the sunset
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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