My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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