she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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