is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
