A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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