come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize