You're so nebulous sometimes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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