I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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