i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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