I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
